I am in no way seeking attention. I need serious answers.
I’m 13, almost 14 years old (don’t judge me by my age). Since I was about 11 years old, I have become dependent on self harm. I found out about it and though it seemed interesting so I started scraping my wrist with a pair of scissors. It started becoming much worse though. I’m down to the point where I buy razor blades and slide them through my skin until I feel like it’s "hollow enough". I’ve also become dependent on drinking, since I noticed a few months ago that when I have alcohol in my system, I’m much happier. I sometimes have thoughts of stealing my dad’s cigarettes, as I heard they make you feel better too. Why do I do this? Well, most people think my life is "amazing". I have lots of "friends", am "pretty", and am really "smart". Well, none of this is true. Most of my friends that I get close to end up hurting me in the end. I really can’t trust anyone anymore. I get really infatuated (don’t want to say ‘love’) over guys that, too, end up really hurting me in the end. I personally don’t believe I’m pretty. I was born with a disability where I am blind on one eye and the eye I’m blind on is… messed up, I guess. I wear a glass eye and I’m really self conscious about that, but few people know about it. Some people notice my "weird" eyes, others don’t. I’m also a normal body type compared to my friends. I’m very self conscious about my weight and sometimes purge or starve myself. And I’m not exactly smart. I go to a school for the gifted and talented but I don’t really compare much to the other students.
These last few days, I’ve also been thinking about suicide. I just feel like it’d be best for everyone. My parents, my friends, and myself. I’ve been thinking about how I’ll just overdose on pills and go to sleep and hopefully never wake up. I read somewhere that I might need professional help if I have thoughts like this and I was wondering what you guys think. And also, if I do, how do I ask my parents about it? Thanks for your time.
Self-harming, possible alcohol addiction, binging and purging, and thoughts of overdosing? Yes! You definitely need professional help, and as quickly as possible.
As for how to ask your parents about it… Well, there are several strategies you could use.
You could see your school counsellor, who can give you some advice and could also call your parents on your behalf to talk about things. Given your concerns, they should be reporting what’s going on as you could be in some danger. The other option is to go straight to your parents. You haven’t talked about your relationship with them, but there isn’t always an easy way to talk about mental health. You might need to just come out and tell them, and show them the marks from the razor blades if they don’t believe you. On the other hand, perhaps they’re understanding of mental health, in which case just tell them about how you’ve been feeling and ask them for help.
There are also childrens help lines in most countries that are either free or very cheap. It could be a good idea to call one.
Regardless of what you do, please gain some professional help. The concerns you’ve raised sound quite real and can be quite serious and it seems like you need some assistance in learning more adaptive ways to cope with your fears or worries than the strategies you have been using.
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